A man patented a remedy for getting rid of mosquitoes and charged Rs.50 per bottle. The bottle had a black liquid in it and he made a lot of money selling it. One man asked him how the remedy worked, ‘Just catch the mosquito, tickle it, when it begins to laugh pour the liquid down its throat.’

Why did the moron put his head into the waste paper basket?
Because he wanted to throw it away as garbage.

What's a monkey's favourite drink?
A: Orange Tang.

What's a monkey's favourite fruit?
A: Ape-ricots.

Where do you put a noisy dog?
A: In a barking lot.

What do you call a bear with no socks?
A: Bare-foot.

A sloth went out for a walk when he was robbed by four snails. After recovering his wits, he went to the police station. "Can you describe the snails?" asked the officer. "Not well, it all happened so fast," replied the sloth.

Why is Turtle Wax so expensive?
Because turtles have such tiny ears.

What do mermaids have on toast?
Mermerlade

Why do elephants never forget?
Because nobody ever tells them anything

How do porcupines play leapfrog?
Very carefully

Why can't you play jokes on snakes?
Because you can never pull their legs

What do ducks watch on TV?
Duckumentaries

What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig

Why don't bats live alone?
They like to hang around with their friends

What did the duck say when he'd finished shopping?
Put it on my bill please

Why are giraffes so slow to apologise?
It takes them a long time to swallow their pride

How does a flea get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.

The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.

We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon, a larger worm that gives more silk.

A frog wanted to find out whether he would meet a princess and turn into a prince charming. So he telephoned the Psychic Hotline and was told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog said, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

"No," said the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."

Two cockroaches were having a discussion while munching on garbage in a dustbin when one began discussing about a new restaurant.

"I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean!

The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt

Anywhere, it's so hygienic and the whole place shines."

"Please," said the other cockroach frowning. "Not while I'm eating! The thought of it makes me sick."

 

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Two vampire bats woke up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood.

"Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood" said one.

"We're new here," said the second one. "It's dark out there, and we don't know where to look. We'd better go with the others."

The first bat replied, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." So saying he flew out of the cave. When he returned, he is covered with blood.

The second bat said excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"

The first bat took his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the

night, he said, "See that black building over there?"

"Yes," the other bat answers.

"Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."

While returning from work on foggy evening in Delhi, Ram saw that the buses were crawling slowing down the road. He decided to walk along behind the bus, just following it, till he got home. Very content he told his wife, ‘I saved Rs.3 today as I followed the bus and did not board it’.

‘you could have saved Rs. 30 if you had followed a taxi’, she retorted.

Hari was very happy watching the animals at the zoo and begged his parents to buy him one. ‘How will we feed him’, said his father. "Lets buy on with a no feeding sign on it", said Hari.

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